Learn your partner's love language and make him/her happy!

In this blog post, you'll learn how to surprise your partner for Valentine's Day with exactly the attention he/she wants from the bottom of his/her heart. You can do this by learning to recognize his/her love language from the five love languages.

Only one week left until Valentine's Day! You may have already started thinking about gifts for your loved one. Do you want to choose a gift that your partner will really appreciate? Then I advise you: first of all, think about how you can express affection and appreciation to your partner, the way he/she wants it.

Gary chapman, the five Love languages 

„The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.“

Find out the love language of your partner

The best way to find out is to study Gary Chapman's concept of the five languages of love. So first I want to tell you about the general concept. The concept includes five areas through which you can express appreciation and recognition. These areas are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. So first you can find out in what way your partner wants to be appreciated. Then you can choose a suitable gift. As a result, you will recognize and speak his/her "love language" and he/she will feel loved and appreciated. Your partner can also have several preferred love languages!

The five love languages: Recognizing your partner's love language

Words of Affirmation

If this is your partner's preferred love language, then he/she will feel especially appreciated when you tell him/her what you think is great about him/her. Also, your partner will be happy when you affirm him/her. In addition, you can emphasize it when he/she does something well or you can encourage her/him in areas where she/he is unsure. Areas that you can value here can be, for example: Appearance, behavior, personality.

Quality Time

If your partner's favorite love language is spending time together, then he/she especially appreciates getting your full, focused attention. He/she also enjoys doing things with you that he/she likes to do. Your partner may also like it best when you have time to talk. About what moves you, you feel, and has happened.

Receiving Gifts

Appreciation means for your partner that you give him/her a gift. Or maybe your partner especially appreciates the gift of your time or presence at an event that is important to them.

Acts of Service

This love language means that your partner especially appreciates it when you do things for him/her. This can be household chores, such as mowing the lawn or cleaning, or general errands.

Physical Touch

The love language of tenderness and touch means that your partner feels valued when you are tender with him/her. The touches your partner likes most can vary from foot massages to sex or holding hands.

So how can you recognize your partner's love language to make your partner happy on Valentine's Day?

The first step is to find out your partner's love language. There are several methods for this.

Option 1: Online test on the website

On Gary Chapman's website there is a test you can take to learn about your own love language. To know your partner's love language, you can try to fill in the test from his/her perspective. Here you can find the test.

Option 2: Engage in reflection questions

find out partners love language from five love languages

How to recognize your partner's love language

In his book "The five love languages" Gary Chapman gives us tips on how we can also find out our partner's love language by reflecting. The tips are:


When you hear about the approach, what do you intuitively & spontaneously think is your partner's love language?


What hurts your partner a lot? (The opposite gives you an indication of what is important to him/her).


What expectations does your partner have towards you?


How does your partner express his/her affection & appreciation?

How to choose a gift that matches your partner's love language

If you know how your partner wants to be appreciated, you have recognized his/her love language. Then, in the second step, you may now be creative and think about how to design an attention that your partner will be happy about. If your partner has two or more love languages, then you can think about gifts that are a combination of the languages.

  • Words of Affirmation: Your partner is especially happy about words of affirmation. Therefore, you could write her/him a letter, for example, or express your appreciation in another way.
  • Quality Time: Your partner especially values time with you. Therefore, think about what she/he would like to do with you. For example, this could be a short trip or a meal together. In addition, you can also think about what activities your partner was especially happy about. You can also ask close friends/family members if you find it difficult to get ideas.
  • Receiving Gifts: Your partner feels valued through gifts. Therefore, you can consider whether she/he has talked about things she/he would like. Also ask yourself what she/he especially likes.
  • Acts Of Service: Your partner feels your affection most when you do daily chores for them, such as vacuuming, cooking, or shopping. Think about what your partner values most and how you can convey that as a gift.
  • Physical TouchYour partner feels valued when you touch him/her tenderly. What kind of touches does your partner especially like? You could, for example, give a massage as a gift.

If you are curious, you can learn more about the love languages here.. Also, of course, if you want to learn more about love languages, you can read the book! Do you also want to learn more about couple communication? Then you can find my article about it here.

I'm excited to hear what you learned about your relationship and found out about your partner! Feel free to leave me a comment if you found the article helpful!

If you want to work on your relationship, I'm happy to walk you through it!

Source: Chapman, G. (2015). The five love languages. The secret to love that lasts. Chicago: Northfield Publishing.

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